lightness of life…

It is with an old, familiar feeling of trepidation that I come back to this page, and quite frankly to myself, through this process of exploring what it means to be a sober person/woman. I just re-read my last post from January and was reminded that I can be open and honest, clearly express myself, share my sober journey, and hopefully carry a message of truth. I give myself permission to be here with you again…

I went off to India just after the new year to dodge the winter-bullet, which turned out to be quite a BIG one this year, to have the time to write, and be in this country I’ve come to love and regard as another place I call home. It was my intention to continue working on my book project during that time. I was so enthralled with the sweetness of this country where I’m reminded it’s really a good thing to move slowly, to take an hour to sit and watch the river, to take long walks, or bike rides, to meet with friends to share a meal, talk about life, and to laugh. The only writing I did was to post India updates on Facebook. One of the things I’ve learned over the years, and certainly by spending time in India, is that what I plan and what actually happens can be very different scenarios, and that whatever happens is just what should happen.

Over these past months, another thing I’ve come to recognize as true is that there are times when we need to do some ‘heavy lifting’, emotionally and/or physically, in order to experience the lightness of life. Half-way through my 6-week stay in India, while winter was raging back in the states, I was quite sure I want to side-step serious winter weather moving forward. Now that my daughters are in college I can shift my priorities and live with a new definition of purpose, doing what feels meaningful and useful. I know I don’t need to accomplish or achieve to do this. What feels important to me now is to live simply, with intention, and notice beauty while moving through each day with grace, and ease. It seemed perfectly clear it was now time for me to find a year-round place to return to in India and then head back to the states to simplify my life here in order to create a two-country lifestyle.

Thus began my heavy lifting. It required tapping into my asset/defect of great organizational skills, the rush of a risk-taking, and the ability to kick into high gear. You know what I mean…compulsive behavior! In three weeks, with unending help from my friends, I managed to find and outfit a great apartment that matched my specifications, open a bank account, get a signed lease…not as easy as one might imagine, and transfer funds. Stepping off backward from a 4-foot high platform and breaking my wrist two days before leaving India seemed like bad news. It turned out to be just what I needed. I was forced to be more conscious and aware of literally everything I did in the process of returning, finding a smaller apartment here, selling and giving away half my stuff, packing and then moving. I needed to ask for help and dear friends showed up at every turn. I had the opportunity to realize how adaptable we each are, to feel an immense appreciation for two arms, legs, eyes, and ears that function well, and to experience another level of compassion for people who live with serious disabilities daily.

After a few months of intense doing, I’m now settled in a simplified living space here along with the one in India. My daughters and I will travel there in a couple of weeks when they finish their college year and we can all enjoy a long, slow exhalation. I woke this morning with the thought, ‘I’m in the lightness of life.’

Where are you today in your life process? Are you in a place of heavy lifting or maybe in that place of lightness? If it feels heavy for you now, know there are people around who are willing to listen, walk with you, and even hold open a door…the lightness is in doing the next right thing, being true to yourself, and the connection with our godliness and others.

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